Monsters of Television

“Welcome to the endangered species list, you bastard.”

Hold me. Like the river Jordan. And I will then say to thee. You are my friend.

Noel couldn’t make it to the live-tweet of Dinoshark (some lame excuse about reading) but I sure did. This flick had it all: bad accents, high body count, inexplicable blood splatters, taking obscene chances with a single grenade. This is a great appetizer for Sharktopus.

Below are my comments throughout the movie. You can see everyone’s live-tweet by doing a search on Twitter using the hashtag #dinoshark. It might be worth your while; we were pretty hilarious. Once I get a hold of the movie again, I’ll put in the timestamps and screengrabs so you can follow along at home.

• 9:22 – #Dinoshark can spot a hottie from a mile away.
• [ ]: Also, I like the victory leap from the water #Dinoshark takes after eating a hottie.
• [ ]: “Drats! I really thought that folded-hands-lean-in-creepster-leer would get her to be my new social director!” #Dinoshark
• [ ]: I have a feeling Janelle is about to be prehistoric shark bait. #Dinoshark
• [ ]: #Dinoshark totally sounds like a wookie.
• [ ]: The bird is a spy for #Dinoshark!
• [ ]: What? No celebratory breach for the two-fer? #Dinoshark
• [ ]: “Alaska is a long way from Mexico! I’m a girl!” #Dinoshark
• [ ]: “Found a picture of the #Dinoshark on the internet. Time to get naked.”
• [ ]: What is Trace going to do by himself? Punch #Dinoshark in the face and hope it goes back to Alaska?
• [ ]: Is she seeking the help of a SeaWorld trainer? #Dinoshark
• [ ]: Seriously, what’s your end game here, Trace? You attract the #Dinoshark with little fishes and then what?
• [ ]: Watching these people float there is making me sick. #Dinoshark
• [ ]: #Dinoshark thinks giggly 20-somethings are especially delicious.
• [ ]: Convenient that he was able to find a cryobiotics robot expert for just such an occasion. #Dinoshark
• [ ]: Prehistoric DNA looks way cooler than our dumpy DNA. Why could[n’t] I be born in the Mesozoic? http://is.gd/ay3MP #Dinoshark
• [ ]: #Dinoshark says, “That’s my hat, bitch!”
• [ ]: @misterperturbed Luis went to go get the dynamite and, ostensibly, get eaten.
• [ ]: Please let there be a Free Willy moment where #Dinoshark jumps the bridge.
• [ ]: Yes! It happened! Where was the Michael Jackson song? #Dinoshark
• [ ]: RT @CrunchySunshine: #dinoshark “You see that boat? Imma take that boat, okay?”
• [ ]: “You see that chopper? Imma take that chopper, okay?” #Dinoshark
• 10:36 – Punta Flamincos? Is that dirty? #Dinoshark
• 10:40 – #Dinoshark is not into heads. More of a end-piece kind of guy.
• 10:43 – If we stop our water polo match because of a bunch of local attacks, then we let the #Dinoshark win.
• 10:45 – Goodbye, Luis. I would say we’ll miss you but I pretty much pegged you as good as dead like an hour ago. #Dinoshark
• 10:46 – Didn’t Megashark also have an eye weakness? Or was that Giant Octopus? Or is that every giant monster ever? #Dinoshark
• 10:48 – @misterperturbed Oh, that’s right. Their only weakness was each other. #megasharkvsgiantoctopus
• 10:51 – Okay, who gets it first? The big-breasted women or the para-sailor? #Dinoshark
• 10:54 – #Dinoshark music totally steal some of the sounds from #smokemonster — is that how Smocke gets off the island?
• 10:55 – And para-sailor wins! #Dinoshark
• 10:56 – The child shall be spared. Even a #Dinoshark has boundaries.
• 10:57 – @beendra #Dinoshark has a monster-sized appetite. http://is.gd/aykUG
• 10:59 – #Dinoshark is doing his best Pac-Man impression.
• 11:00 – “Welcome to the endangered species list, you bastard.” The world’s longest goodbye quote. #Dinoshark
• 11:01 – Man. Now we have to look forward to #Dinoshark vs #Megashark vs #GiantOctopus vs #Sharktopus. Get on it, #SyFy.

Some partners in crime included: misterperturbed [twi | web], Lizzie5115 [twi], Dave_L_Jones [twi | web], CrunchySunshine [twi | web], spooloflies [twi], InsanityReport [twi | web] and, of course, Dinoshark [twi].