Monsters of Television

The real love story at the heart of TVD

Pop quiz: If The Vampire Diaries mated with Rubicon, what would they produce? World’s fastest paced show with world’s slowest paced? Would create pretty much every other show on TV. Man does this show know how to advance a plot. And taking a page from Rubicon, it seems to be developing its characters more, too. Bonus!

This week’s episode featured collateral damage—dead people, bleeding wounds, and heartbreak—all over the place. It also featured some pretty nice character development for the show’s least interesting characters. Perhaps my theory that TVD needs to kill all its bad characters to improve them missed another option—distract the bad characters (and us) from their annoyingness by making them sexy. Still pretty sure there’s no hope for Matt. But you never know with this show.

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Hard to find a male mentor around here, huh?

Quick Take: Whoa!  The Vampire Diaries has yet again proven it has some guts.  “Plan B” featured reversals of fortune, shocking twists, and a good deal of heartbreak.

In his review of TVD for The A.V. Club at the beginning of the season, Todd VanDerWerff compared TVD to Smallville, stating both are the kind of program he could watch at the beginning and end of the season only, yet still manage to keep up. I have never watched Smallville, so I can’t speak to that issue, but for TVD, I have to disagree. Sure, the “previously on” features may provide a cliff’s notes guide to the main plot points, but experiencing them in this form would remove all their shock, their impact, and their resonance. I know what some of you may be thinking…resonance?  Don’t worry–I know TVD ain’t all that deep, but it does excel at surprises—as this episode demonstrates.  TVD may not be world’s deepest show, but it is seriously competing for world’s most entertaining.

Characters were getting taken down all over the place here. Katherine is proving herself most dangerous in how she gets others to do her will—guess that shouldn’t be surprising considering her history with manipulating the Salvatore brothers. But seriously, I think she was in two scenes during this episode, yet she still managed to inflict quite a bit of damage through direct or indirect interference. By the end of the episode, Elena was crying, Stefan was crying, Jeremy was looking all determined, Caroline was crying, Mason was…well, if you want to know what all the fuss is about, come on in.

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Teach me, Uncle Mason.

Few broad comments before I get into the nitty gritty. First, I gotta say, I was kind of kidding in weeks past when I called Caroline, “Awesome Vampire Caroline” [AVC], but now I just have to make that her official name. TVD has officially proven that the best way to make a bad character better is to kill him/her. And then make him/her undead.

I know that just being supernatural doesn’t work because Bonnie sucks. She’s whiny, bitter, and boring. AVC, on the other hand, is whiny, bitter, and exciting!

Other characters deserving of such treatment? Consider the possibilities. On TVD, there’s Jeremy, obviously. But outside this show? Would becoming undead make Tara on True Blood cooler? I bet it would. What about that girl with an addiction on Rubicon? She could use a little undead action. Don’s ex on Mad Men?  Way better as a vampire–all her particularities would become evil distortions.  Alex on Grey’s Anatomy?  Dwight on The Office?  Gosh, this is a fun game. Wanna play?

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Love the scarf, Damon.

So I was out of town last week, which means this week is a SUPER SPECIAL TWO-FER!!!! That’s right, two eps of The Vampire Diaries [TVD], two reviews. Super exciting, I know.

This episode was sort of okay.  Needed more vampire Caroline (instead of “trying to be a good friend but secretly working for Katherine” Caroline).  Needed more Damon (amazing how the dude brightens a scene, despite being so dark).  Needed way less of the flashbacks of mooning teenagers in Civil War garb. But there were some good moments, to be discussed after the jump…

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Awesome Vampire Caroline

SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!  AVERT YOUR EYES!  DON’T EVEN LOOK AT THE PHOTO!

Last week I wrote that Caroline the vampire was pretty much the best thing ever. This week, however, as we are descending deeper into the rules about vampire transitioning, I am beginning to ask questions. This is a bad thing when dealing with a genre program. Suspension of disbelief works just fine until the program itself starts messing with the rules. Then, trouble starts.

Not that this episode did not offer a series of delights.  Damon, as always, was charming.  Learning that the Lockwood family might be werewolves, Damon called Mason and Tyler “Lon Chaney Sr. and Jr.” and himself “Bela Lugosi,” noting that based on his movie knowledge, “Lugosi, which is me, is totally screwed.”

My nagging questions follow after the jump.

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Your weekly dose of sexy. Careful, he'll glamor you.

Can’t say it was world’s most eventful episode, but it had many pleasures to offer. Here are some great lines to tempt you:

“What is that smell?”
“I can’t explain it. It’s creepy.  That’s all I’ve got.”
“Your silence is deafening, Stefan.”
“Whatever happens, it’s on you”

Oh, and Damon threatened to shove Jeremy’s ring up his you know what.  Picking on Jeremy is so much fun.

The spoilers, btw, begin….right now!

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Let's be honest--here's the star of "Vampire Diaries".

Warning: there will be spoilers in this review, but only after the jump.

Non-spoilerly assessment: The Vampire Diaries came out kicking tonight. To be super masculinist (and I’m a girl and a feminist, so I hate to be masculinist, but if the phrase fits…), the characters all grew balls. If this is what a world with Katherine is like, then I never want her to leave.

Few more non-spoilery words: Stefan? Stopped moping. Damon? Heartbreaking. Bonnie? Working hard to come out of Willow’s very large shadow. Jeremy? Maybe is about to stop whining. Well, you can’t win them all. I may even start to care about Tyler’s storyline—who knew?

Vampire Diaries, how do I love thee…let me count the ways…

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