Monsters of Television

“In this line of work, there’s no such thing as ‘no such thing.’“

Warehouse 13 was, to me anyway, the linchpin program in the Sci-Fi Channel’s transition to Syfy. It’s perceived nerd appeal isn’t terribly high since it’s more about historical nerdery than it is about sci-fi nerdery, something probably more palatable to general audiences (yes, I’m suggesting a cable channel is aiming for a general audience, this is nothing new).

And Warehouse 13 continues this approachable and fun tone with its second season premiere, picking up right where it left off in the finale last year, but the series is entirely jumpable into, so if you haven’t seen the first season, you’ll be okay starting with this episode. Read more »

Popularity: 3%

“And then you started brutalizing the spinach.”

We don’t get much of a soft intro here. We dive right in, with the contestants off to the studio. Das comments that being on the chopping block last week was horrible. Das is obviously not aware of which show he’s currently taping. So their first challenge is probably one that might’ve helped them a bit last week: talking while doing things, like preparing a meal. Way to plan ahead, producers.

So Giada gives them one of her veggie lasagna recipes and each contestant has a minute to do a particular step while talking about it before handing it off to the next person. Of course, if someone doesn’t finish their step, that means the entire flow is thrown off, and it could cause the already completed lasagna to get really cold. While a few don’t finish their steps, it doesn’t seem to really matter. Read more »

Popularity: 6%

“He’s like the guardian angel of all the chefs.”

I’m going to go ahead and say it: I think The Next Food Network Star has been a massive failure for Food Network. At least in terms of creating stars.

With the start of its sixth season, the show has created one legitimate star in Guy Fieri, host of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives and Guy’s Big Bite (and, on NBC, Minute to Win It). Its other winners haven’t fared so well. The winner two seasons ago, Aaron McCargo (aka Big Daddy of Big Daddy’s House) (no, it’s not a Tyler Perry show), has done okay for himself in the network’s Saturday morning line-up, but hasn’t really broken out for the network.

The rest of its winners? Cancelled. Quit. Barely existing.

So why does the network keep putting audiences through this show? Is it so Bobby Flay can annoy me some more (and cash another paycheck (does he even work at his restaurants any longer?))? Is it so Bob Tuschman can continue to challenge Anderson Cooper for the Silver Fox of TV Award? Or is it so Susie Fogelson can…I don’t know, frown a lot?

It’s none of the reasons. Go back up to the first line. Notice the qualifying phrase? Yep, The Next Food Network Star doesn’t exist to find a star. It exists to sell audience on the idea of the network. It exists to showcase how the network goes through a(n absurd) casting process and then sell it to their advertisers. This way, even if the they don’t find someone that works (and they’ve only hit platinum blonde once), they’ve still made a buck off of all these people. Read more »

Popularity: 5%

“She wanted to forget.”

Law & Order is a twisty show. Often there are red herring witnesses and suspects who do 180s at the drop of a hat. But the show will often also twist around a little too much, pull baits and switches, and bounces between ideas link a pinball. At this stage in the show’s run, it knows how to turn on a dime even if those turns feels a little unnecessary.

“The Taxman Cometh” is bogged down in these turns. It starts off as a case about an accidental overdose and turns into a case about alternative cancer treatments, tax loopholes and gay rights. Yes, that’s right. The becomes all three of those things, shifting between each of them as dictated by the plot. Read more »

Popularity: 2%

“This is your lucky day kid. The big break most people only dream about. You get to write a story with Perry White.”

Smallville decided to get all philosophical on us this episode and talk a lot about purpose. We all know the Clark’s purpose is to protect the Earth, one day (although we’ll never see it on the show) as Superman. But what of our other characters? What drives them? What gives their lives meaning? “Hostage” broke down and had Lois, Chloe, and a few guest surprises reflecting on their lives and looking for direction.

Lois Lane is more than just the love of Clark Kent’s life. She is a strong, witty, inquisitive, award-winning journalist. Or at least she will be. Right now she’s unemployed and trying to figure her life out. She believes the only way to do this is to find her own way. No Clark. No Blur. So when Perry White comes back into town (last seen in “Perry”) Lois jumps at the chance to help him with his latest scoop. Perry’s hunting down Checkmate and the Red Queen. The chemistry between Durance and McKean is amazing. I definitely want to see more of this duo in the future. The two catch a glimpse of the Red Queen and track her down. During a chase Perry slips and finds himself hanging from a dangling fire escape. “Great Caesar’s ghost!” he exclaims, music to any Perry White fans ears. Lois helps Perry up and even though the Red Queen escapes, she counts it as a victory. Perry wants Lois to accompany him to Nairobi on another Checkmate lead but she says she’s fine now. She just needed to find the hero in herself, to see that she could do good on her own. Read more »

Popularity: 2%

“There it is again. That poker face.”

Again with the on-the-nose episode titles. Subtly, people!

This week’s episode is the tipping point episode. It’s that episode of Lost where everyone’s getting ready to run around the Island for the next 5 hours, wondering where something is or to save someone. The big plot threads are starting to wrap together, answering my questions about how Alicia fits into Peter’s narrative, and Peter’s narrative potentially overwhelming the series.

And, you know, we find out that Kalinda is smarter than FEDERAL BOMB EXPERTS. Read more »

Popularity: 3%

“You look like hell.”

“Small price to pay when you feel like heaven.”

Thank Gossip Girl! In a season full of stagnation and relationships that no one seems to care about, “Dr. Estrangeloved” was a return to the glory days of season 1. We saw some of our favorite characters reappear in their true forms, reminding us of why we fell in love with them, and the show, in the first place.

No return to form was more satisfying than that of smirky, bow-tie enthusiast Chuck Bass. After his break up with Blair, he has once again embraced his inner mother Chucker. Read more »

Popularity: 1%

“And you can’t protect us if we know who you are.”

Wait. Tell me why my 'S' is a rave logo.

Secrets, secrets.

While they may help a superhero protect himself and those he loves, they can do a number on relationships.  And it’s not just the superheroes who are keeping secrets. Everyone on this show is hiding something, wearing a mask of some sort, and it’s only a matter of time before all is revealed.

Now that Lois and Clark are finally together the show is doing everything it can to strain the relationship. The DC power couple have decided to have a romantic night of stargazing in which they plan to take their relationship to the next level. It’s time to use the L-word. No, not this L word. Love. No more secrets between them. This could be a problem for someone like Clark who is, you know, an alien. Might make things awkward between them. Read more »

Popularity: 2%

“Those two gab like little school girls when they’re out in the field. It’s murder on the ears.”

The face of doom.

What are you guys crying about?

I don’t typically delve into the dens of inequity that are the message boards and comment streams but I keep hearing about this episode being controversial, a game-changer, even ruinous of the series. Surely, these reactionists aren’t responding to the ending of this episode. They are, aren’t they? Wow. Really? Because Chuck has slept or necked with two other girls that aren’t Sarah during the course of the show, one of whom was the stated love of his life. Where were you when Bryce came back? When Cole was tempting Sarah? Careful, sweethearts. You whine like this enough and you’ll sound like — well, Chuck.

For those unaware, the ending of “Chuck vs The Mask” seemed to provide fodder for those heavily-invested in the Chuck/Sarah relationship to riot in the virtual streets at how the show is being taken irreparably off-course. TV-bloggers have spoken to the subject all day, educating me on the fanbase and the word “shippers” (a section of fandom I had not previously known). And, to be honest, I’m not exactly sure what fueled their fire.

Perhaps we should start from the beginning.

Read more »

Popularity: 3%

Jeff: “Did you take her to Poundtown?”
Lester: “Can I get an address on that?”

Writers of Chuck, I am pleased. This is exactly where I’d hoped the season would start heading and Chuck is starting to feel less like a lead-in to a bigger show and more like something that can stand alone. It’s keeping its comic lilt while delving into deeper, more complicated terrain and we’re finally starting to see our protagonist develop. We’re starting to see the life he was thrown into take a toll and force him to grow up, for better or worse. And there’s no better way to see this progression than by juxtaposing it with the past.

Awww. He’s bashful.

The episode starts three years ago when Sarah first walks into the Buy More, Morgan alerting a half-listening to Chuck to her presence, and Chuck scratching out the tune that gets stuck in my head: “Vicki Vale — Vick-vah-Vicki Vale — Vickity-Vickity-Vicki Vale, Vick-vah-Vicki Vale” and the phone drops. Morgan, in present day, reminds Chuck of that moment in order to compare it to when Hannah walks into the picture. Oooooh. See, last week I thought Hannah was going to be there for Chuck’s drama but she’s (at least starting out) going to be around for Morgan’s. Hannah. Anna. How did I not see that? He’s enamored by her and tries to complete the analogy Chuck:Sarah :: Morgan:Hannah. Hannah walks in with the same liberal take on dress code if not the same attitude as Morgan’s former flame. But Morgan’s not ready to actually speak to her so he scurries away as Chuck lays down some warnings for a sister: everyone else but him is a wild animal looking to hump. On cue, Jeff and Lester show up. Chuck leads her away from the Jeffster Danger Zone.

Important thing to take from this funny scene comes when Hannah brings up Chuck going to Paris. Chuck tells her to keep it on the low-low but doesn’t get a lot of time to solidify the lie before Casey comes over for “yogurt time.” Despite having to make excuses to leave the store and go to the yogurt shop for two years (three if you count Sarah’s brief stint with wieners), he still doesn’t come up with a good response for Hannah to understand why going to yogurt right away makes any sense.

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Popularity: 4%