Monsters of Television

Turns out I was right.

I’d pondered from the beginning where this show would go once its central question – Who Killed Laura Palmer – had been answered. Now that that portion of the season’s entertainment has been wrapped up, it appears that our A-plot will focus on that mystery man himself, Agent Dale Cooper.

Having wrapped up the Palmer case, Cooper is set to leave Twin Peaks (much to everyone’s sadness) and head off for a well-deserved vacation. Daddy Briggs offers to take him night fishing first, so goodbyes are made all around.

Audrey comes to say goodbye to Cooper, who once again rebuffs her (much more subtle) advances, this time with the story of how the last girl he had feelings for died – which also happens to be the story of how Windom Earle lost his marbles. Make notes on this one; it’ll be important later. Coop says he’ll always be Audrey’s friend which, as we all know, is just short of a slap in the face, but Audrey makes it clear she won’t give up. “There’s only one problem with you – you’re perfect.”

(You know how when we first met Audrey, I found her duplicitous and selfish and untrustworthy and all that? Now I feel that way about Donna. Oh, Audrey. When did you turn into one of my favorites?)

Cooper then bids adieu to Harry, who gives him a couple of parting gifts. Please excuse the following capslock run-on. THE BROMACE. Harry made him A LURE, YOU GUYS. A LURE. AND FISH THINKING ONLY ABOUT SEX. THE SYMBOLISM, OMG. And a badge because Cooper is officially One of Them now. Awwww, so adorable. But before Coop can make it out the door, a solemn pair push into the office from the other side of the doors.

With the arrival of Agent Hardy, a (faux/dirty) Canadian Mountie, and a metric ton of accusations, Coop’s planned vacation is cut short. Suspended without pay, found guilty of misfeasance, and suspected of drug trafficking (courtesy Jean Renault and said Mountie), everyone’s favorite agent is in deep, hot water.

Seriously. Coop is suspended without pay and accused of illegal activity. WHAT WORLD IS THIS. Truly, we have found the darkest timeline. I hope Gordon shows up soon to set things straight. Meanwhile, I suspect that we shall at the very least hear more about Windom Earle (though I highly expect him to show up at some point because YES) and the DEA is no doubt going to get involved (and not just because I’ve read most of the cast list and have therefore been mildly spoiled).

Basically, there will be MORE feds, probably more Mounties, more Jean, more Hank and Norma’s mother’s new hubby, drugs and subterfuge and delicious, delicious story weaving.

But before that happens, Coop and Daddy Briggs go on their night fishing trip, which seems to mostly involve sitting around a campfire roasting marshmallows and having deep conversations. Also, Cooper is not perfect, but while conversing, he noms the most poorly roasted roasted marshmallow to ever be speared by a twig. Then he goes off to pee al fresco, only for things to go pear-shaped.

And suddenly things turn into an X-Files episode. Or the Asgard show up. Or something.

A camera rushes across the ground toward the camp. Owls hoot. A blindingly bright white light illuminates the woods across from the campfire. Daddy Briggs calls for Cooper. Cooper hurries back to camp only to find Daddy Briggs gone. Cooper walks toward the light, shock and uncertainty on his face. The light quickly shuts off. We end on Cooper’s face.

Dun dun duunnn?

Notes:

• Poor Mrs. Palmer. We don’t see her often, but she always brings it.
• “Can you see my underpants in my shoes?” And trying out for cheerleading. And chunking some guy like he’s a pillow. Nadine is perfect.
• Speaking of: WE FINALLY GO BACK TO SCHOOL. Though apparently Audrey and Bobby have both decided to skip the rest of their school careers, apparently Nadine is redoing hers.
• I still don’t care about Bobby and Shelly (and Leo). At all.
• “It’s nice to be quoted accurately.” “There is nothing quite like urinating in the open air.” COOPER, COME HERE AND LET ME LOVE YOU.
• Catherine is back. “What made you come back?” “I ran out of tuna.”
• Josie is also back. And Harry apparently wears red longjohns to bed, bless.